Man has Trouble with `Grief Groupies'

I thought this was an interesting question posed by a recent widower. Thoughts?

Discussion : After losing wife, man has trouble with `grief groupies'

Spread Light into the Darkness...

Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness. ~Chinese Proverb



Well, Happy New Year!



I am late sending along my greetings for 2011. I have to say, I just did not want the holidays to end this year. It was not because I had this wild and crazy time. In actual fact, the twelve days of Christmas were quiet and peaceful. Reflective and sometimes a little sad as I reflected on the Christmas mornings of days gone by.



But, I just did not want it to end. So, I've kept the tree up.



It is not like me. Usually, with the first sign of New Year's, everything must be put away, floors must be scoured, and the house needs to smell like Mr. Clean. Fresh start for a New Year. But this year is different.



I suppose I just want the light of Christmas to linger for a while, to boost our spirits. Perhaps I wanted to look a little longer at life through the branches of the tree, with eyes squinting, so the colors blend together to create a magnificent kaleidoscope of beauty.

I will be honest, I've made excuses for myself.

At first, I told everyone that I was too busy to take it down.

Then, I said it was to stay in place to celebrate my husband's birthday. He needed it.

Finally, grasping at any excuse I could find, I said what the heck, I will leave it in place until the 12th day of Christmas.

I just can't make any further excuses.

The tree is way past its prime. The wind from the dog lightly walking by causes needles to fly from the tree. Two sets of lights have gone out and there are dark patches within the branches. One patch is shaped like Italy, and I am looking at it right now from my office chair.

It is time...

But for today, on this feast of the Epiphany, I will drink up every last minute of the lights of Christmas. January 6th, observed in commemoration of the coming of the Magi. Catholics believe the three kings brought gifts to the newborn Jesus, following the light of the star.

Epiphany. It has two meanings. The first, is as I listed and simplistically explained above, the feast day. The second meaning?

"usually sudden manifestation or perception of the essential nature or meaning of something"

And, right on cue, as I thought about the epiphany, I have one of my very own. This feast day, right at the end of the holiday season, is one last reminder for us to take with us throughout the year.





The Magi, or three wise man, followed the star. The looked to the light, and decided to put faith in the fact that the light would lead them to something wonderful.





Let us all, as we tuck away the colored lights for another 350 days or so, remember the lessons from the Magi.





Remember that if you look for the light in your life, and move towards it, you will find something wonderful. Remember even in the darkest of nights, you can look up, and see the stars and know there is something much bigger than you guiding you through your days. And remember that it is our responsibility, much like the light on my tree, to be the lights for others who cross our path on this earth.





Be the light for someone today, and the next day, and the next day, and the one after that too. Be the light that may help someone find there way out of their own dark night.

Dare to reach out your hand into the darkness, to pull another hand into the light. ~Norman B. Rice

So, with that lesson in my pocket, I am ready to disassemble Christmas. I am ready to spread some of my own light around.

Have a 100 Watt kind of day,

Kelly

Book Review-Wayne Dyer's The Power of Intention

" We are already one and we imagine
we are not. And what we have to recover is our original unity. Whatever we have to be is what we are."
-Thomas Merton-


Well hello there,

Today, I wanted to share with you my review of the book,

The Power of Intention. Learning to Co-create Your World Your Way

Now, before I begin, I want to state I received a copy of this book free of charge from Hay House, as they reviewed my blog and thought my readers might like to hear about the book. I want to make sure I am compliant with all FTC regulations, and let you know that although I received this book without charge, the review is my own personal opinion after having read the book from cover to cover. Okay, thanks for letting me clear up those housekeeping items. On to the review.

I read this book some time ago. It was a joy to flip the pages and learn more about the power of intention, the force in the universe that we all have the power to call upon to move our lives forward.

But I wanted to wait before publishing this review, to wait until the end of the year, when so many of us are looking to make changes in our lives and to improve upon our circumstances. As we count down the hours to the end of one year, and the welcoming of another, we could all use a little help in understanding how we really create what we want in our lives. And the answer is not in a list of unrealistic resolutions.





And, if you are grieving a loss in your life, or trying to bounce back from tough times, discovering intention can help you understand the power that you have at your disposal to get through anything that presents itself in your life.





The answer? Real change in your life comes from within. It comes when you realize you are not alone, but connected to something much larger than yourself. Dr. Dyer describes this as source, it could also be described as God, Buddha, the universe, whatever works for you. Change in your life comes when you are inspired, letting spirit work through you, to lead you to your purposeful life.

For me, as I read the book, I began to understand what happened to me when I started to write. When I let everything else go, with my own ego, and how I thought I should be, act, live and grieve, I was able to connect with a power I never knew existed. And that power gave me strength, even in the darkest of days. It showed me, at the loneliest and saddest time of my life, that I was not alone. And, the answer to every question is, and always will be, love.


This book is a gift. Not only is the presentation beautiful, with illustrations that provoke the imagination and quotes from some of the greatest thinkers of our time. The words crafted within those pages serve as an awakening for the reader.

The book is divided into three sections:


Part One: The Essentials of Intention. Understanding the power of intention and how to connect to it in your own life.


Part Two: Guide to intention and how to apply the principles. This is the practical application, the how to make it work for you in your own life.


Part Three: Description of how Dr Dyer sees someone who is connected to the power of intention.

I have read previous works from Dr. Dyer, and I am always impressed with how he simplifies complicated concepts and writes in a way that connects with the readers. This book is not different. The most powerful three pieces of the book for me?

1. Intention is not something we do, it is a connection that we acknowledge.

2. We all have a choice to connect to the power of intention or not.

3. The seven faces of intention:

• Creativity
• Kindness
• Love
• Beauty
• Expansion
• Unlimited Abundance
• Receptivity

Look above. It's all the good stuff right?

Now, put the three together.

We are connected to a source bigger than ourselves. If we allow ourselves to reconnect to that source, it will guide us to a better and more peaceful life filled with good stuff. It is our choice to see ourselves either connected or separate.

As I have said before, the answer is love.

I could go on and on about this, and the book is so much more than my simplistic explanation. Bottom line, it is worth the read. Let Dr. Dyer show you the power that you are already connected with, but may not be able to see in your life right now. As the year comes to a close, and you are envisioning the life you want for yourself in the future, take some time to read this book, and truly understand that there are no limits.

Two thumbs up from Kelly Sue.


The book can be purchased at the following:


Hay House: http://www.hayhouse.com/details.php?id=5110&utm_id=3313





Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Power-Intention-Learning-Co-create-World/dp/1401925960/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1289416372&sr=1-3





Barnes and Noble: http://search.barnesandnoble.com/The-Power-of-Intention/Wayne-W-Dyer/e/9781401925963/?itm=1&USRI=the+power+of+intention





Chapters Indigo ( Canada): http://www.chapters.indigo.ca/books/Power-Intention-Gift-Edition-Learning-Wayne-Dyer/9781401925963-item.html?ikwid=the+power+of+intention&ikwsec=Books

Have a good one,

Kelly

Merry Christmas to you...

"I am not alone at all, I thought. I was never alone at all. And that, of course, is the message of Christmas. We are never alone. Not when the night is darkest, the wind coldest, the word seemingly most indifferent. For this is still the time God chooses." -- Taylor Caldwell

This quote sums it up very well. So, on this, the most magic day of the year, I wish you all Merry Christmas. May the reason for the season sit in all of your hearts on this eve and throughout the year. Take some time tonight to look up to the sky and count your blessings.

Here's Chris Botti and Ave Maria.....simply amazing.

Merry Christmas,

Kelly

Count Your Blessings Instead of Sheep....

“Count your blessings. Once you realize how valuable you are and how much you have going for you, the smiles will return, the sun will break out, the music will play, and you will finally be able to move forward the life that God intended for you with grace, strength, courage, and confidence.”-Og Mandino-


White Christmas is one of my all time favorite Christmas movies. And each year, after I watch it, I am reminded why this simple song is a classic.

It can be just as easy as listening to Bing's suggestion you know. Look for your blessings today, they are all around you.

Sing along with me...

Kelly

The Best Gift You Can Put Under the Tree....

"My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?" - Bob Hope -

I 'm working some last minute preparations today. I'm sure I am not the only one.

So, I wanted to share with you my #1 gift suggestion to place beneath your tree this year. I, like so many of you, have learned through the trials of life, how fleeting our time can be with the people we love. And, with life moving at the speed of a text message, we can sometimes forget to slow ourselves down and really drink up the moments with the people who mean the most to us. When I think back to my fondest memories of Stephen, it is never anything to do with material things he may have given me. It is always our late night chats, where we would solve all the world's problems and some of our own as well. When I think back to my cherished recollections of my father, it is never the gifts he gave me that make my heart smile. It is the long and intimate conversations I would have with him, when he would tell me stories, and give me lessons on life from his own experiences, and tell me of his deep and unending love for my mother.

So, this year, give the people you love the best gift that can put under the tree. Your time and attention.

Write a note that explains your gift, wrap it up in a box and put it under the tree. You can do this for anyone that is important to you, but I will give you a couple of examples.

Imagine how your husband or wife or partner would feel if they opened a box and this was inside?

To my Husband/Wife/Partner:

Life moves so quickly. And sometimes, I find myself thinking about how wonderful you are, but when we talk, it is about grocery lists, utility bills, and the upcoming week's schedule. Sometimes, life just moves so darn fast, it is hard to slow down and appreciate the things that are most important in life. So, this Christmas, I decided to give you the gift of my undivided attention and time for us to nurture what we have. I want us to plan, each week, to take the time, just for each other.

Let's make a promise to slow ourselves down, turn off the Blackberry, and give ourselves the gift of time. I want to hear you, I want to really listen. I want to understand your dreams, and have you smile and know that I am your biggest cheerleader. Life is short, and the moments that we really are present with each other are the ones we will remember always. The moments we are present are the real gifts. So, this year, I give you time.

Or, how about this?

To my precious child:

I know this is a weird gift, especially when you thought this box was just the right size for a Ipod Touch. I know it seems like you picked the short straw for presents, being that it is only words, and it does not plug in, or require any assembly. But this year, I wanted to give you something that is more important than any other present beneath our tree.

My time, just for you.

I know sometimes that I am busy when I get home from work, and I am half listening as you try to tell me about what happened in Science class. I know that sometimes I am preoccupied, thinking about the laundry, or the "to do" list. This gift changes that. I want each week, to set aside some time to give you my complete and undivided attention. You can talk to me about your life or ask me about mine. We can bake cookies or launch rockets. It's up to you. But I just want to give you the gift of time so you know how important you are to me. I'm your biggest fan, and I don't tell you that enough.

Your time and attention. The best gift you can give, and it requires no financing, no money down, no monthly payments. And, you don't have to go to the mall today either.

I will leave you with one of my favorite songs from the musical Rent. What will you do with your 525,600 minutes in 2011? Make it count.

Love ya, mean it,


Kelly the Christmas Elf

Communicationg at Christmas With the Bereaved

A hug is a great gift - one size fits all, and it's easy to exchange. ~Author Unknown


Happy Sunday,

I wanted to re post a blog that I published last year, entitled Communicating During the Holidays and Grief.





http://gratitudeingrief.blogspot.com/2009/12/communicating-during-holidays-and-grief.html





If you are loving someone who has lost a special person in their life, please take the time to read my post. Know that you are needed now more than ever, even if it is just to hug someone and let them cry out the hurt.





Christmas is all about giving, a special time of year where we take the time to stop our busy lives and think about others. We make our lists, and bake our cookies, and we try and find the perfect presents.





My challenge for you is to understand that the greatest gift that we can give another is our time and love. The greatest gift we can give is to let someone know they are not alone.





This Christmas, look around your life and give people what they need the most.





Oh yeah, and you can still bake the cookies.





Kelly

Huffington Post: Grief Medication is Not the Answer...

Happy Saturday all,

I wanted to pass along this excellent article written by Jeanne Dennis for The Huffington Post.

I believe we need to start having more conversations about how we handle grief and loss in this drive thru world of ours. Thank you Jeanne for your insight and wisdom.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jeanne-dennis/working-through-grief_b_793899.html

As we count down the last week before Christmas, I hope this article may give some a fresh perspective on their own journey.

Kelly

Toothy Grins from Heaven.....

Today, give a stranger one of your smiles. It might be the only sunshine he sees all day. ~Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.


Christmas shopping. It's just not as they portray it in the commercials. Where are the happy people dancing in sequence down the aisles, with cheery Christmas music blaring in the background?


On a recent shopping excursion, I believe I may have been sucked into a vortex of negativity, stuck in a store with the most negative people on the planet. I was bumped, and growled at; I was witness to more than one parent completely melting down with their children. I was also witness to more than one child not really understanding the "reason for the season. "

I find the holiday season to be bittersweet for me. As an occasion girl, I have always loved this time of year. But, as with anyone who has lost someone important, it is also a time when you are painfully reminded that there is one less person to shop for this year. Last year, I could barely breathe in the stores. I remember standing in a quiet aisle of car cleaning supplies just about this time a year ago drying my tears with one of those expensive wash clothes for your car (don't tell Target, but I put it back on the rack) I stood there for more than twenty minutes, simply trying to inhale so the pain in my chest would subside, and I could gather the remaining items on my list.

This year, I am stronger, but I still have moments where the thought of Christmas without Stephen is still very difficult to think about. It is especially hard when I shop, and I see things I know he would like, or laugh about. So, as you can probably imagine, my emotions were getting the best of me as I pushed my cart through the aisles of this store, and watched all of these people....just taking life for granted. One Mom in particular, she yelled at her little girl, and I had to physically remove myself from her presence so I did not confront her with the ravings of a bereaved parent. Did she not know how truly blessed she was to have this little girl looking up at her, even if it was only to ask for the $49.99 doll only days before Christmas?

In any case, all the growling and bumping and bah humbugging just got the best of me. And, when I pulled into the parking lot of the final store on my shopping excursion, I just sat in the car for a moment, and had.....well, a moment. I was missing Stephen, and thinking back over the Christmases gone by...in particular, I was remembering Christmas Eve when he was a small baby, maybe eight months old. He had these two lonely teeth at the bottom, and would grin on command and proudly show them to you.

So there I was, sitting in my car, reminiscing about the magic of Stephen at Christmas. Missing him, and wishing that I could explain to my fellow shoppers about the importance of being present in the moment, of just being happy because you never know what is around the corner.

I finally mustered up the courage to brave the final store, and stepped out of my car.

Where I was abruptly met by......

A toothy grin.

It was the toothy grin of a baby girl, out for a day of shopping with her mom. She was sitting in the cart, and she lit up as soon as we made eye contact, and her smile was brighter than any Christmas bulb I've ever seen. It was as if some invisible director pointed to her and yelled "Action!"

I burst out laughing, and the mother popped her head out of the car and smiled. I told her that her little sweetheart just made my day. Her mother replied that she does that, gives out those "two tooth smiles" just when you need it the most.

Boy, was she right.

So, two things to remember. Take a nice deep cleansing breath if you are shopping today. Think about the reason for the season, be present in the beauty that is now, don't miss it. Make a point to give away some smiles, I'm telling you, it works. And if it doesn't work, at least you'll make some people nervous.

Second thing, look for those toothy grins. I believe that God brings them to us when we need them the most, to show us He is listening and comforting us. It is up to us to look for and notice them.

Take some time today to spread some of the good stuff around,

Kelly

Reflections on a Resilient Life....Remembering Elizabeth Edwards

"Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it's less good than the one you had before. You can fight it, you can do nothing but scream about what you've lost, or you can accept that and try to put together something that's good." ~Elizabeth Edwards

A person who is dear to my heart sent this quote along to me and I had to share it. Although I was never fortunate enough to meet Elizabeth Edwards in person, I have thought of her often on my grief journey. I read some of her words about the loss of her own child, and wondered if I would ever be able to find that same grace and serenity in my own life.

She was a woman who lived a life that was imperfect, and messy at times. Her life did not spare her from pain or loss. But she continued to "put together something that's good."

I get up and try to do that every day. Some days, it works, and others, I simply whisper that I will try again tomorrow. Her quote is printed and on the bulletin board in my office. I look at it daily, along with other great thinkers, for inspiration. I look to remind myself that others have found the secret to a happy life, and it is never found in perfection. It is always found in making peace with the imperfections that surround us.

May we all take a moment to read her words today, and know that the resilience that she was able to find and hold on to throughout her rich lifetime also sits within each one of us. To honor her life, and learn from it, let us all make it our job to continue to live a happy life, even when life is difficult. Let us all try, even if it is minute by minute, to put together something that is good.

Sending wishes for comfort and peace to the Edwards family,

Kelly

Fresh Coat of Paint...

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~Anatole France

I've come to a conclusion. Life is like one big painting project. Let me explain.

I've just finished up a painting project in my house. And, as is the story for most of my life, I never really thought the whole thing through. Instead, I plunged ahead, with the vision of perfection in this little brain of mine, and just starting swinging the brush.

But, as with most home improvement endeavours, once you open that can of paint, you realize there's a ton of things you did not take the time to consider before donning your super attractive paint shirt. You know the one, it has paint samples from every paint project since the early eighties.

To give you some examples, I did not consider:

• The ceiling height of our front foyer.



• The confirmed fear of heights as it relates to the ceiling height of the front foyer.



• That this project may only look manageable, but in four days, I will have a moment where I consider just living with a half painted wall. I will have a pretty convincing conversation with myself about how it would show individuality.


• That I actually am not sure about this new color. Perhaps I should have just left well enough alone.



• And finally, I did not consider that this project would confront me with the ugly truth about my housekeeping talents and serve as confirmation that I have not properly cleaned the baseboards since some time in 2007.

I'm telling you, this project was like a month of therapy. With each stroke of the brush, I examined each and every corner of my life. I thought a lot about what sort of mental space I was in the last time I painted these walls, and did wonder if I painted while blindfolded and drinking wine.

I thought a lot about change in life. And how we resist it or long for it, think about it and plan for it, run away from it or towards it.

Sometimes change in life comes in the form of a slap right up the side of your head. It comes as a wallop, knocking your current situation right out of your head.

Others, it is a gradual awakening to a new reality. It is left up to you to push the change forward.

Sometimes, you long for it. Sometimes, you don't.

But regardless of the origin, change comes. Change comes for everyone and everything. It is the nature of life.

So, I see life as a painting project. I picked my new color, jumped in, and realized I had no idea what I was doing. But, knowing that half painted wall that could not be undone, I decided to simply keep painting.

So, when life changes, whether by choice or design, just keep painting, one stroke at a time. If you do keep going, slow and steady, you may see that this fresh coat of paint on your life looks a little cleaner than the last one. You see that you are a better painter, having learned from your past mistakes and successes. You see the value of your hard work. Maybe you will learn to appreciate the new colors in your life, having a better understanding of how they got there.

The biggest thing to learn? That sometimes, life has to get really, really messy before it can be transformed into something beautiful. Sometimes, you just have to keep painting.

Today, I ask you to keep painting. It may not be beautiful yet, but it will be. It will be someday, because of your perseverance.

A Fresh coat of paint.

Grab your brushes,

Kelly

Surviving Grief by Recording Blessings

Many thanks to Jessica Milicevic for taking the time to speak with me about being a USA Book News Award Finalist and taking the time to write such a thoughtful article. She made me younger too, and that is always welcome!

Thought I would share...

Surviving grief by recording blessings

The Present...

The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.-- Buddha

When our lives are in flux, especially with grief, we can find ourselves stuck, not able to move from the point of pain. We look to the past as the better days to which we long to return, and we worry about how we live in a future without our precious loved one by our side in a physical sense.

It is a natural response to the pain, to stop in your tracks.

But truly, as the quote implies, the only power we can have is on our own present moment. We have the power right now to smile, or to cry. We have the power to see what's wrong with the world or what's right. We have the power to choose happiness or despair. We have the power to notice our own failings and weakness, or our strength and resilience.

It is in the present moment that you will find peace. Allow yourself.....even if it is only for one minute.

Take time today to notice where your mind is taking you. Are you living in last year, next year or today?

The present.....it is a gift. Get it?

Have a tremendous Thursday,

Kelly

Gary Ferguson-Walking Away From Grief

Here is a beautiful article from The Los Angeles Times. It tells the story of Gary Ferguson, and his journey following the loss of his beloved wife.

It is personal, and raw and beautiful, and is worth passing along. Each day, I am reminded that we all have a story within us. How that story ends is up to us.

Gary quotes a poem at the end of this article from Mary Oliver. I had to share a little of it here.

To live in this world
you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it
against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go.

Enjoy the article, and take a little time today to find the beauty in your life.


Walking away from grief

Lest We Forget.....

With the tears a Land hath shed

Their graves should ever be green.~Thomas Bailey Aldrich

As a little girl growing up in Canada, I remember asking my Dad one morning why we wore poppies on our lapel in November. He explained that it was for Remembrance Day, to pay tribute to the men and women who lost their lives in war, serving our country.

In fact, the poppies became a symbol for the day because of the haunting poem In Flanders Fields. The flowers bloomed all over some of the worst battlefields in World War I. It has been said that the brilliant red of the flower can serve as a symbol for the blood that is spilt in war.

As our day begins, let us take time to remember the soldiers and their families of both the United States, Canada and the Commonwealth on this Remembrance/Veterans Day.

This is a day to put down your political views and your opinions. This is a day to simply bow your head and give thanks for the men and women in all branches of the military who gave us their very lives in defense of the freedoms that we take for granted everyday.

I will leave you with the haunting words by Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, written in tribute to his friend Lieutenant Alexis Helmer after he witnessed his death in May of 1915. Lest We Forget...

In Flanders fields the poppies blow

Between the crosses, row on row,

That mark our place; and in the sky

The larks, still bravely singing, fly

Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago

We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,

Loved and were loved, and now we lie,

In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:

To you from failing hands we throw

The torch; be yours to hold it high.

If ye break faith with us who die

We shall not sleep, though poppies grow

In Flanders fields.

Where to Kelly Sue?

“The heart is the only broken instrument that works.” -T.E. Kalem-

I just couldn't put my finger on it. For months now, I have been trying to figure out my life, trying to come to some conclusions as to where I go from here. I had it all figured out, or so I thought.

I came back from a summer break with firm thoughts of where I was going to go. I had a plan. I had written the July 4th blog, marking the one year mark without Stephen. And then I moved towards this life that I had envisioned.

People emailed and called, wondering why I had stopped. I simply said it did not feel right, to keep writing. It seemed like the end of the blog for me. What I did not tell them is, as much as I wanted to make the feeling go away, it did not feel right to NOT be writing in the blog either.

So, I've slogged ahead. I've planned out and written some for my next book. I've started speaking to people, in the hopes of sharing some light in their own darkness. I've refocused on my life and my wonderful family. I have recommitted to a life of healthy living, and have religiously taken 10,000 steps a day or more since my birthday. I have cleaned parts of my house that have been neglected since early 2009, and I have decluttered my closets, sending bags of clothes to the Goodwill. I have measured my girth and counted my calories and graphed my progress towards goal. I have rewritten my values and goals, and made some new ones. I have picked happy paint colors and have started to revitalize the walls of my house.

Somehow, I thought I would be able to jump back into the daily grind ( and we call it that for a reason), and all would be okay. I did the hard work for an entire year, and now, with my lessons in my pocket, I could resume to my new normal. Always thinking about him, but living a happy life.

But slowly, the lesson started to illuminate in my life. I noticed little things at first. Emails from people that I could simply not find the words to respond to, letters that I could not read. Appointments I decided to push forward just a few more days. Words I decided to write tomorrow or the next day or the next. To be honest, I've had this blog on my to do list for three weeks now, and each morning, I push it forward a few more days.

I've been smiling on the outside and beating myself up on the inside for months now. Because in spite of all the things I've done in the past year, something doesn't feel just right. And even though my current list of tasks is admirable and things that should make me feel good about where I am, there is something that quietly sits below the surface, gnawing at me.

I'm still broken.

Not only am I still broken, but in certain ways, I know I will show signs of this fracture of my very being for the rest of my days. I keep trying to fit myself back into this life I think I should somehow be healed enough to live, only to find that it doesn't feel the same. I don't feel the same.

So, in my silence, as the days have passed, I've been trying to figure all of this out. For a full year, I embraced the brokenness of my being. I actually opened my heart to it, and tried to learn from it. Accepting it was what actually saved me. I did not fight it. But for some strange reason, I convinced myself that all of that did not apply to this next year without Stephen.

I was wrong.

Hello, my name is Kelly, and I am still broken open from the loss of my son.

And that is okay.

Because making peace with that is what gives me strength. Sharing that is what connects me to others. Learning from that is what makes me wise.

Today I am thankful that I finally wrote this blog, and am moving forward with this broken life of mine, being happy in spite of the eternal sadness that sits in my heart despite the passage of time. Today, I give thanks for my new sense of direction.

Looking forward to reconnecting,

Kelly

Living a Life of Love.....

If you judge people, you have no time to love them. -Mother Teresa-



I've been thinking about some things in the news lately. And, I recently watched a documentary and I simply had to share it with you. In my dark days of grief, when I tried to comprehend that God's love was still around me, even in loss, I learned a lot about what I believe in. Grief forever changes the way you look at life. I see that as one of the gifts of the pain, for I feel my view on life and how I live it has grown since losing my child.





For me, faith is about love. I know that sounds too simple for you theology folks, but it is just what I know in my heart to be true. Love; giving it and receiving it, and knowing that our job here on earth is to pass it on. Cause let's face it, we all need some.





Anyhoo, I've been writing about life lately, sequestered in my little corner of the world, and contemplating the lessons I've learned and how I will apply them. That is, in between work, and laundry and keeping my promise to myself of getting in my 10,000 steps per day. I've been struggling a little with it all, moving into this second year without Stephen. Thinking about how I move forward and live, even when a part of my heart remains broken.


And, as I am in this deep thought, I keep looking around, and seeing many examples of things that aren't too lovable. You see, I started to watch some news again, right around 9/11, as I was walking on my treadmill to get those steps in.

And I was assaulted with things that were not at all lovable. A pastor who spread fear, and who was given a platform to do so. A war of words and discrimination about worship and faith that just simply made me sad. 9/11 came and went and I felt this emptiness. I was thinking about the families of those lost on that day, trying to remember their loved ones as they were surrounded by all of this white noise, this distraction of fear and hate. It made me sad as I looked at the pictures of those lost on that tragic day, displaying smiling faces that once wrapped Christmas presents, read fairy tales to their children at bedtime, served a city selflessly, losing their lives while trying to save others. I cried, as I watched mothers without children and children without parents.


To be honest, I kept thinking about what some of those people in the pictures would tell us if they could come back for one day and have a press conference of their own, telling us all that they now knew and understood, after being in heaven with God for nine years.


I wonder would they tell us that the only thing....the absolute only thing that helped all of us to survive the horror of the loss on 9/11 or any loss for that matter was love. What saved all of us is when we helped each other, opened our hearts, and loved one another. Regardless of our differences. Period.


I think they would tell us that we must never forget that lesson.


I wanted to find an example of that love. I found this documentary on Father Mychal Judge OFM. You may recall the now famous photo of the New York Fire Department chaplain being carried out of the rubble on 9/11. It was a heart wrenching image of the end of a life of service. But, it was only a small part of the story of this man who spent a lifetime spreading an unconditional love. His approach to spreading the word was not always aligned with the Church for which he served. But, I believe it was most definitely aligned what God wants for us all here on earth. To love each other. Hope you enjoy it..









Thinking about what you are spreading around today....and have a love filled Tuesday.





Kelly

Four truths I've learned about what happens when we grieve | Columnist Tyra Damm | Life/Travel | News for Dallas, Texas | Dallas Morning News

Happy Friday y'all,

Great article from Tyra Damm...

Four truths I've learned about what happens when we grieve Columnist Tyra Damm Life/Travel News for Dallas, Texas Dallas Morning News

Joe Sterling's thoughts on Navigating Grief..

Happy Monday all,

I wanted to share an article with you this morning, written by Joe Sterling, News Editor for CNN Newswire. Click on the link to view:

My Faith: Navigating the land of grief since my son's death

It was written a couple of weeks ago, but I thought it was worthy of passing along. It touched me in a way I find hard to explain. His descriptors about the changes that come and stay in one's life following the loss of a child were so accurate, and hit pretty close to home for me. As he wrote about moments where he cries without warning, I felt a huge lump in my throat, thinking about the moments that I too, am reduced to tears when a memory surfaces, for no particular reason.

I am a member of his club, one of the outsiders that truly understand the difference between what is trivial and what is important, having learned the hard way.

Today, I am thankful for Joe Sterling. His courageous and honest account of life as a bereaved parent shines as a light to the rest of us and tells us we are not alone.

Have a great one,

Kelly

Wisdom From Old Yeller

Well, hello!

Long time no blog....I've been working on some things, taking some time to breathe and live and figuring out where I go from here. More to come about that a little later...but for now, I wanted to share this quote with you. It pretty much sums up my entire life and I thought you might like it too.....

That was rough.... Thing to do now is try and forget it.... I guess I don't quite mean that. It's not a thing you can forget. Maybe not even a thing you want to forget.... Life's like that sometimes... Now and then for no good reason a man can figure out, life will just haul off and knock him flat, slam him agin' the ground so hard it seems like all his insides is busted. But it's not all like that. A lot of it's mighty fine, and you can't afford to waste the good part frettin' about the bad. That makes it all bad.... Sure, I know - sayin' it's one thing and feelin' it's another. But I'll tell you a trick that's sometimes a big help. When you start lookin' around for something good to take the place of the bad, as a general rule you can find it. ~From the movie Old Yeller

The wisdom in those simple words....this point is what I've been trying to articulate for a full year. Does this mean I am simply long winded?

Hope you enjoy it....have a satisfying Saturday,

Kelly