Fresh Coat of Paint...

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~Anatole France

I've come to a conclusion. Life is like one big painting project. Let me explain.

I've just finished up a painting project in my house. And, as is the story for most of my life, I never really thought the whole thing through. Instead, I plunged ahead, with the vision of perfection in this little brain of mine, and just starting swinging the brush.

But, as with most home improvement endeavours, once you open that can of paint, you realize there's a ton of things you did not take the time to consider before donning your super attractive paint shirt. You know the one, it has paint samples from every paint project since the early eighties.

To give you some examples, I did not consider:

• The ceiling height of our front foyer.



• The confirmed fear of heights as it relates to the ceiling height of the front foyer.



• That this project may only look manageable, but in four days, I will have a moment where I consider just living with a half painted wall. I will have a pretty convincing conversation with myself about how it would show individuality.


• That I actually am not sure about this new color. Perhaps I should have just left well enough alone.



• And finally, I did not consider that this project would confront me with the ugly truth about my housekeeping talents and serve as confirmation that I have not properly cleaned the baseboards since some time in 2007.

I'm telling you, this project was like a month of therapy. With each stroke of the brush, I examined each and every corner of my life. I thought a lot about what sort of mental space I was in the last time I painted these walls, and did wonder if I painted while blindfolded and drinking wine.

I thought a lot about change in life. And how we resist it or long for it, think about it and plan for it, run away from it or towards it.

Sometimes change in life comes in the form of a slap right up the side of your head. It comes as a wallop, knocking your current situation right out of your head.

Others, it is a gradual awakening to a new reality. It is left up to you to push the change forward.

Sometimes, you long for it. Sometimes, you don't.

But regardless of the origin, change comes. Change comes for everyone and everything. It is the nature of life.

So, I see life as a painting project. I picked my new color, jumped in, and realized I had no idea what I was doing. But, knowing that half painted wall that could not be undone, I decided to simply keep painting.

So, when life changes, whether by choice or design, just keep painting, one stroke at a time. If you do keep going, slow and steady, you may see that this fresh coat of paint on your life looks a little cleaner than the last one. You see that you are a better painter, having learned from your past mistakes and successes. You see the value of your hard work. Maybe you will learn to appreciate the new colors in your life, having a better understanding of how they got there.

The biggest thing to learn? That sometimes, life has to get really, really messy before it can be transformed into something beautiful. Sometimes, you just have to keep painting.

Today, I ask you to keep painting. It may not be beautiful yet, but it will be. It will be someday, because of your perseverance.

A Fresh coat of paint.

Grab your brushes,

Kelly

Walking a Mile in Marie Osmond's Heels

If you judge people, you have no time to love them. -Mother Teresa-

If you've been reading my blog for a while, you know that one of my new missions in life is to speak out when I feel our new online living steps over the line. I am not fighting with anyone. I am simply writing a blog, and pointing out that we all hurt from time to time, and if someone is hurting, we need to show kindness and compassion, and not judgment.

This morning, I read an article about Marie Osmond's recent decision to cancel this week's schedule of shows in Las Vegas for family time. The reason for the cancellation was listed as family time, as Marie and her family cope with the tragic loss of her son, Michael. For more information on the piece, you can read the Associated Press version by clicking here: http://www.kcsg.com/news/local/88508742.html

I have watched this mother grieve in front of the media since the announcement of her son's passing on February 26th. My own mourning heart has ached for hers, for what lies ahead for her on her journey, and for having to do it in front of a camera.

I read about the memorial, her return to work, and now her decision to take some time. These are all deeply personal decisions in her life, but because of her chosen profession in the entertainment industry, her decisions become press releases. And, much to my dismay, the comments sections for those online articles have been filled with judgment, and opinion, and hate for how she decides how to grieve.

I have some questions. Why is it okay to judge her? Why is it okay for online news organizations to allow hate speak in the comments sections below their articles? Why is it okay for someone sitting home in front of their laptop to say mean things about a mother who just lost her child? Why is it okay to say something bad about someone you don't even know? Who feels they have everything figured out enough that they can pass judgment on whether or not she is grieving appropriately? And if you are so sure that you are right in your assessment of her grieving style, why don't you sign your name to your comment at the end of the article, instead of hiding behind the word,

"Anonymous."

The backlash that she faced when she returned to work was overwhelming, and it seemed that everyone had an opinion. But truly, unless we walked a mile in Marie Osmond's heels, do we really know what provides her broken heart with comfort in this difficult time? And what person among us feels they have a right to pass their opinion on whether or not it is the right thing to do?

Now, you may ask yourself, why is this grieving mother so passionate about this? Why is she standing on her soapbox on this sunny Friday morning?

Because on July 6th, this is what I read in a comments section of an online article about Stephen:

"Geez, NC State really needs to look at the athletic requirements for their student athletes, because obviously this guy was not in very good shape if he couldn't even swim across the cove."

This was my son.

Did you cringe at you read it? I know I did. I am being blunt because it is time that we stood up for what is right as we live our lives online. I have friends on facebook that I haven't talked to for twenty years, but now because of the power of the Internet, I can sit in an airport and look at their vacation pictures on my Blackberry. I shop online, I register my son for sports online, I am grieving online. We are opening up our lives more and more, but where is the line? Where is the book of etiquette for living online?

There is no book, but we all know, deep down what's right. All you have to do is walk a mile in someone's shoes, and you'll know what to do.

The person who posted that about Stephen did not think before he/she pressed send. I wonder did they know that Stephen's mother would read it? I wonder if they realize I sat and cried quietly in front of my computer screen, crushed that the memory of my child was being tarnished by strangers who did not know he was my sun, my moon, my stars? I wonder would it have made a difference?

I reported each comment about my child, and continue to do so daily when I find someone else is being judged just so the anonymous can see their words on the screen. I may be fighting a losing battle, but I will continue. Because I've walked a mile, I've walked ten. And this world needs a little more tenderness, a little more love.

Today, I am thankful for Marie Osmond, and I send her love and peace as she continues to grieve in front of the world. May she find the solace and quiet to let her heart heal.

On this Friday, I ask you this? Will you join me? Let's all start holding the anonymous posters accountable for their words and report their posting to the web administrators so it can be removed. If enough of us do it, maybe we can make a difference.

Maybe we will be able to save another grieving mother from any additional pain.

Wishing all of us compassion filled days,

Kelly

I've written more about this here:

http://gratitudeingrief.blogspot.com/2010/01/standing-up-for-what-is-right.html