Raising Accountable and Resilient Children

The ancient Romans had a tradition: whenever one of their engineers constructed an arch, as the capstone was hoisted into place, the engineer assumed accountability for his work in the most profound way possible: he stood under the arch.- Michael Armstrong



I remember my father, after I screwed up royally, having a long talk with me about being an accountable human being. At the time, I kept my eyes to the floor, and prayed it would be a short chat, so I could retreat back to my adolescent angst. But it was not a short conversation. It was a long conversation, as were many with my father. Dad just seemed to take the long way around when he made a point, and I miss those deep as the ocean chats with my father. He was wise beyond his years, and he continues to teach me every day, even though he has long since passed.


One of the things that he told me that day was I needed to take responsibility for the life I was creating for myself. People could help, people could hinder, but the bottom line was your life was what YOU made it. So, if times were tough, it was you who could choose to bounce or stay down. I tried to listen, but to be honest, that lesson took a long time to stick for me. I've blamed more people and circumstances for some of my life experiences than I care to admit. It is only in the last two years that I feel I finally understand what it means to take accountability for your life, the good and bad.


Years after that conversation with my father, I was reading Jack Canfield's book Success Principles, and that long ago lesson was confirmed. The first success principle for life? Take 100% responsibility for your life. Period. No excuses. Whatever is happening is your responsibility, to either build on or change. It is up to you. Why do I bring this up? Because I feel we need to refocus our efforts on building accountable and resilient children.

Helicopter parents, it is time for you to land. It is time for us to take a long hard look at how we are raising our children and ask ourselves one important question.

Are we really helping them?

I understand that life is complex these days. But with all of our advancements in society, do you think we are doing right by our children? Don't you think some old fashioned parenting is what is missing in this world? You do the school project because she gets frustrated. You make an immediate appointment for a meeting with the teacher at the first sign of anything less than perfection to address this issue ( with the teacher, not your kid), you are all smiles and nods when signing the beginning of season information about your child's team, and in complete agreement on how the team will be worked, and how issues will be addressed. But when it is your kid who is being disciplined, what happens? Do you guide your child to an understanding of how to deal with it, and prevent issues in the future, or do you confront the coach and get all "up in his business?"

People, life is simple. Focus on the love and not the fear. Teach your kids the same. Be accountable for what you do and say. Give back and share the best parts of yourself with others. Smile. Leave the world in a better state than when you arrived.



We need to guide our children to find their own respectful voice, and learn how to deal with difficulty, accepting their part in it, and bouncing back from it wiser and stronger. In the big picture, how are we raising resilient and accountable human beings if we send the message that the rules apply to everyone else, but them?

I'm not perfect, by any stretch of the imagination. But here's some tips I've found to work in raising a resilient and accountable child to be a resilient and accountable adult:

• Be accountable yourself. Stand up and take responsibility. Your children are watching you and how you conduct yourself. Stop the blame and shame game and present a shining example. Show your children that with accountability for your circumstances, you can have the life of your dreams.
• Don't be a helicopter parent. For God's sake, stop hovering, land the aircraft, and see what your child can do for themselves when you aren't in their airspace. Let them spread their wings a little because that is the only way they will learn to fly.
• Talk to them about what they will learn and take from the hard times. Yes, I know that the gut instinct is to fix things when they go wrong for your baby. After all, you love them right? I know you want to march up to that teacher, coach, bully and make this go away. In some cases, it is necessary. In some cases, it is easier to do it yourself. But what about an alternative? What about taking the time to teach them how to navigate those situations independently? What about guiding them, and then standing back to watch them deal with difficulty successfully? Think of your child's smiling face as he or she tells you how "they took care of it" themselves.
  

I want you to ponder something. When we do and do and do for our children, what is our motivation? Are we trying to protect them from the difficulties happening in their lives, or are we working to prevent them from experiencing things like we endured in our own lives? Are we trying to take away the pain we felt all those years ago?

Here's the hard fact. With every experience that we shield from our children, there is a chance we are preventing them from gaining knowledge and perspective that will allow them to build resilience, to become accountable for their own happiness? By taking away the exposure to real life issues, are we not also taking away their chance to learn?

I know. I get it. You want to protect your child. But maybe we can all exhale a little and realize that we can still be supportive, protective and loving parents without raising children that feel they are the exception to the rules of the world. Maybe we can gently guide them to take responsibility for their individual successes, failures and happiness. Because one day, they will be.

We all need the chance to figure some of this stuff out on our own. It's what makes us who we are. Give our children the chance to rise to the occasion. Because when they are grown, and you are not within hovering distance, they will thank you for giving them the tools to live a successful and happy life.

Stepping away from the soapbox,

Kelly

The Ultimate Valentine....

Love is a consistent passion to give, not a meek persistent hope to receive. The only demand of life is the privilege to love all. -- Swami Chinmayananda

What if this arrived in the mail today?

My Dearest (Insert Your Name Here),

Happy Valentine's. I have to say, I adore this day. It is all about love, hugs, kisses, and chocolate . The history books will tell you the story of the Saint, and it is a remarkable tale. But I like how this has evolved to be a day with the sole purpose of expressing love for one another. I do wish it was more universal sometimes. I don't like to see anyone get left out of the love fest. Remember Valentine's Day back in the third grade? When your Mom would make you fill out those Valentines for every single person in your class, to deliver to their decorated paper bag taped to the side of their desk? And you asked her why you had to give Billy one because he picked his nose and flicked it at you in math class and then laughed with the other boys as you struggled to get "it" out of your hair? And she told you that everyone deserved a valentine, and it did not matter how he behaved, it was all about how you shared the best part of yourself, regardless. Yeah, your mother had it figured out. She and I are on the same page. Everyone is deserving of love, even if their current behaviour does not align with what you know to be the truth.

So this year, I thought I would get into the act. I feel sometimes that no matter how hard I try, some don't notice the love I place before them every day. I create the most beautiful sunshine, or flowers. I bring you together with people who have the potential to change the course of your life, to inspire you, to comfort you. I send you messages in your dreams, or on the wings of a butterfly. But still, you sometimes don't see or feel My love. So, perhaps a more overt approach would work. I've been cutting out paper hearts for days now. And for you, I think I've crafted the right words.

On this Valentine's Day, I want you to know that you are loved. Like no other. The love is unconditional. It does not matter that you screwed up ten years ago or ten minutes ago. I still love you. It does not matter that you don't look like the airbrushed image within the pages of that magazine you read while waiting in the airport. I still love you and see perfection in you each time I look into your eyes. It does not matter if you feel like a failure, or feel like life just did not pan out like you thought it would. I still love you, and I know that life is taking you to the exact place you need to be. It does not matter if you have cursed me for years now, if you are angry with me and blame me for the struggles and pain in your life. I still love you, and understand why you might be confused or think that I imposed this suffering on you. I did not, but I am here to help you through it. It doesn't matter what other people say to you about Me, and tell you that you are not made of the right stuff to be accepted by Me. I made you, and them, in My image, and I accept every single individual part of you. Your color, your belief system, your sexual orientation, your zits, the darkest parts of you and your biggest mistakes. I accept all of it. And I love you just the same. When you look in the mirror, you see all those things that make you imperfect. I see the opposite. I see beyond the fear and the assumptions, I see the love. Even if you don't. I even accept you when you are close minded, or sometimes make others feel they will not be loved by Me because they are different from you. I still love you, just as I love them. There is room for everyone, and I see that place within your heart that knows this to be true.

I want you to know I happen to think you are perfection and one of My greatest masterpieces. And because I am the artist, I can see that you have only begun to discover just how great you are. You're just getting started. Don't let the minutia of life weigh you down, there is much more on your to do list. There are a lot of people waiting to be loved. Be happy.

You can be happy.

I want you to know that I love you more than all the leaves on all the trees, all the sand on all the beaches, every individual cell in your body and the bodies of every other person on the planet. Start with that love, and build on it. Pass it on, cultivate it in your daily actions and thoughts, and all your other concerns will take care of themselves. It's just that simple.

So, stand a little taller. Strut with confidence. Wear your heart on your sleeve, and tell the world, "I am God's valentine."

One last thing, for any good relationship to work, you need open and honest communication. So drop me a line sometime. I'm listening, honest. In the meantime, get out there and start spreading some love.

Love ya mean it,

God

A Valentine For the Broken Hearted...

Love is a symbol of eternity. It wipes out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end. ~Author Unknown

I was reading recently about a woman who, married to her husband for fifty nine years, wondered how she would ever go on and celebrate days like Valentine's in the same way as she did in her youth. Reading her story reminded me of my father after my mother died. It also reminded me of my own thoughts about the needed cancellation of every celebratory day on the calendar following the loss of Stephen.

It got me to thinking, about how the pains of loss are directly related to the depth of the love we feel. If we did not allow ourselves to be in the vulnerable space of love, would we spare ourselves of the hurt when that love changes? How many of us have had our hearts broken? Not only by death, but by life? How many of us have looked around us and asked ourselves, "Where is the love?"

I know I have. I have had many a conversation with The Big Guy about the location of said love. Why do bad things happen? Why do those we love die, or leave, or hurt us?

And there is no easy answer, and no Super Glue that can put a broken heart back together.

But there is love. Sometimes we don't see it, or it is overpowered by negative emotions, but nonetheless, it is always there. It endures. Love is eternal, and has no beginning and no end. The love I feel for Stephen still continues to grow, even if he is no longer with me in a physical sense.

When our hearts break, when the world is bad, we often refuse to see the love, to believe that is can still be there as we hurt. This hurt/love intersection is a fork in the road of life. At the moment of great pain, we have a choice. We can choose to work through loss and pain believing in the existence of love. Or we can believe that when our hearts are breaking, love is nowhere to be found.

The choice is important. Because one produces healing and more love, and one produces bitterness.

So, I have a suggestion that has helped me, and will remind you that love starts within, and is still all around you.

This Valentine's, take some time to craft a love letter, to you and your broken heart. Real love begins with a love of self, deep within, that enables us to then give love to others.

Celebrate how strong you are, sing the praises of your unbreakable spirit. Take the time to recognize the importance of your tears, the tenacity it took to wake up and live each day, even when the pain was excruciating. Recognize the fact that you still allow love in your heart, even when it is not easy to do so. Remind yourself that even though you are not in a Cupid/Red Heart kind of mood, that does not mean that you are not surrounded by love. Acknowledge the hurt, for what it is teaching you, and the fact that it means you took the risk and loved in life. Some people don't let themselves love, for fear of what you are feeling right now. Look in the mirror and see that you are perfect, made in God's image, and worthy of love, and deserving of future happiness. Give yourself a round of applause for the fact that you are still standing.

This Valentine's day, take some time to show your appreciation....for you and that broken heart of yours.

Have a glittery red heart kind of day,

Kelly

Book Review- Marianne Williamson's A Course In Weight Loss

Weight that disappears from your body but not from your soul is simply recycling outward for a while but is almost certain to return. It’s self-defeating, therefore, to struggle to drop excess weight unless you are also willing to drop the thought-forms that initially produced it and now hold it in place.”
— Marianne Williamson

Today, I will be reviewing the book, "A Course in Weight Loss-21 Spiritual Lessons For Surrendering Your Weight Forever."

Before I begin my review, let's quickly go over some housekeeping items. I received a copy of this book free of charge from Hay House, as they reviewed my blog and thought my readers might like to hear about the book. I want to make sure I am compliant with all FTC regulations, and let you know that although I received this book without charge, the review is my own personal opinion after having read the book from cover to cover.

I have to be honest, writing this review was different for me, more personal than the other reviews that I have shared with you. The earlier books resonated with me. But this one confronted me. This book asked me questions that I have been quietly working up the nerve to answer for quite some time now as I implement my own Continuous Quality Improvement program for Kelly Inc. You see, I grew up in a family where food was associated with both celebration and consolation. Like many others, food served as far more than just fuel for me; it was part of our occasions, relationships and life events. As a result, I have had a relationship with food that has been more cerebral than metabolic at certain points in my life, especially the times of flux.

As part of my personal journey to live life to the fullest, learning from the loss of Stephen, I have started to answer some of the questions I was afraid to ask before now, the questions about myself and my own relationship with food. I love cookies, but do they love me back....that kind of stuff. To be honest, some of this has been really hard to face, because it involved restructuring my entire life and how I deal with good times and bad. But I finally think things are starting to click. I remember the early days after losing Stephen; the particularly painful days, toasted coconut ice cream with chocolate fudge was one little thing I could count on. Now I know that even in the darkest of days, I have a different one little thing to count on, me.

That said, this book has been a pleasure to read as I continue to journey towards a more mindful and healthy life. The book, which is aligned with the principles found in A Course In Miracles, discusses weight loss, and how it is not only related to a daily caloric deficiency, but is also connected with where you are spiritually, emotionally and psychologically. That alone is nothing that we have not already heard from other weight loss experts. However, the presentation of the information is unique, and really explores what is required for conscious weight loss. And that is the key. One of the light bulb moments for me surrounded the discussion around the

"place within you where you have forgotten your divine perfection."

Again, why is it that we humans spend all of our time seeing what is wrong, and not what is right?

The book, with the twenty one specific spiritual lessons is a beautiful guide through shifting your perception on your relationship with food, as well as your relationship with yourself. From one of fear, to one of love. I absolutely love the focus on reconnecting mind, body and spirit. It is not a quick fix, and will require work on the part of the reader if the changes in thinking are to stick. But the outcome of a love filled fearless life seems worth it to me. I would recommend this book to anyone who wants to reconnect with their life, to become mindful, not only about food, but about your relationship with all things external. But, before you buy it, make sure you are ready to be honest with yourself, and put in the work. Otherwise, it will just be another diet book collecting dust on your shelf as you wonder who shrunk your clothes in the closet.

The book can be purchased at Hay House, Amazon, or Barnes and Noble.

Today I am thankful for Marianne Williamson's A Course in Weight Loss. It is helping me with the next step in my journey to choose a happy life. And with each step, I feel Stephen smiling.

Have a good one,

Kelly

Musicians and Thinkers...Showing Us The Beauty In The World

Music is well said to be the speech of angels. ~Thomas Carlyle, Essays, "The Opera"

Happy Friday!

I love Fridays. They always serve as a beacon of hope for people, letting the masses know that the weekend has arrived, and we are allowed just a short reprieve from the "real" world, the rate race. Even if that break is only to dust the furniture and do the laundry. There is something empowering about the day.

So, when I was thinking of what I am thankful for today, it should be no surprise that the day itself sits on top of the list. But there are two others things in my life that deserve mention today.

Musicians and Thinkers. When I look back over my life, and reflect on what has inspired me and given me strength, I always come back to music and quotes from the great thinkers of our time. So many times, on the darkest days of my life, I have found solace in both words and melody, and they both have served as medicine for my breaking heart. They remind me that I am not alone, as we all share the same universal pains and joys.

I have used music and words to inspire, to heal, to comfort. They have never failed me. I lost my own music the day I lost Stephen, and it has not yet returned. I listen to others now, hoping that one day, I will pick up my guitar and sing again too. But until that day comes, I will celebrate and be thankful for those who sing for me, showing each one of us that we are all connected.

Today, I am thankful for Fridays, Musicians and thinkers. Have a listen to the talented Macy Gray as you read some of my favorites quotes about music below.

Hope your day is filled with all kinds of T.G.I.F.'ness,

Kelly

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life. ~Berthold Auerbach

Without music life would be a mistake. ~Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons. You will find it is to the soul what a water bath is to the body. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes

And the night shall be filled with music,
And the cares that infest the day
Shall fold their tents like travellers
And as silently steal away.~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, The Day Is Done

Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness. ~Maya Angelou, Gather Together in My Name

I have my own particular sorrows, loves, delights; and you have yours. But sorrow, gladness, yearning, hope, love, belong to all of us, in all times and in all places. Music is the only means whereby we feel these emotions in their universality. ~H.A. Overstreet

Alas for those that never sing,But die with all their music in them!~Oliver Wendell Holmes

Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent. ~Victor Hugo

Music is what life sounds like. ~Eric Olson

Music is the shorthand of emotion. ~Leo Tolstoy

Poisonous Caesar Salad and a Refresher Course in Gratitude...

When our perils are past, shall our gratitude sleep? ~George Canning

I've been so busy. Life has been moving way too fast, and I feel like I have hardly had a moment to sit with my own thoughts. Until yesterday.

You see, I had an encounter with a Caesar salad; I am not sure what I did to offend it or the cook in the kitchen at the restaurant where I ate it, but it poisoned me. While dining out with friends after my son's hockey game, I was almost killed by romaine lettuce, croutons, and dressing. Okay, this may be a little dramatic of me, but the past 48 hours has not been pleasant, not one bit.

In any case, I have had some time to think, as I waited for the next tsunami like wave of nausea to hit. And I've been thinking about gratitude. Because, it seems as my calendar became more full,my focus on gratitude was not kept on the top of my priority list. It is not to say I am not grateful, or did not express my thanks on a daily basis for the blessings in my life. But my attention to gratitude as a deliberate part of my day had fallen to the wayside a little, to make room for work projects, hockey travel, new release movies on demand, exercise etc. And, the conclusion I reached while nuzzled up to the toilet? My life is lacking because of it.

We humans. We don't make sense sometimes. We look around when the sky is falling and notice what has been around us all along and lament and cry out,

"Oh how I have loved all of this. I am so sad it is about to be squished by this falling sky. I did not say how much I appreciated it enough! But I do appreciate! I do! I do!"

But when things are ticking along, when the road is smooth, we forget and take for granted the little things that serve as the foundation of our happy lives. Instead of paying attention to them, they go unnoticed until somebody or something tries to take them away. Instead of recognizing them as the blessings of our time here on earth, we focus our attention on the length of the line as we wait for our chai tea latte, the flat tire, the negative personality we are forced to endure at a social event, or the fact that our waist circumference is not within the suggested parameters of Dr. Oz. It seems that when things are, in the big picture, going right, our human nature causes us to continue to find things that are wrong.

So, it is no wonder that when really bad things happen, we find it especially hard to find any good in our day to day lives. If we could not see it when the sky was blue, how can we be expected to find the good in the blinding rain?

It is all about training ourselves, our minds to refocus, to see life through a different lens. So, with the nausea subsiding, and my new found awareness, I am giving myself a refresher course in gratitude. I hope you will join me.

Each day this week, I will, as I have in the past, tell you about the simple things I find thanks for, as well as simple ways to find gratitude in your own life. I would also like to challenge you to do the same this week, and each day look for, and write down your one little thing.

Think about the little things that you can hold onto this week, and re shift your focus to see a life of abundance rather than lack, no matter what your circumstance. If you are so inclined, post your gratitude in the comments section of my posts. I love, love, love to hear from people, and each one of us is on an amazing journey.

Today, I am thankful for:

• Dry Toast
• Ginger Ale
• Gravol purchased in Canada last summer. I'm not sure why this is not available in the United States, but I praised God and all things holy yesterday when I found it in the cupboard.
• My husband, who takes such good care of me, but also laughs at me at the most inappropriate times.
• My son's caring concern.
• Fuzzy warm socks
• The love of my family
• Bubble baths and good books
• My best friend
• A nearly complete second book

And finally...

Food poisoning. It was the pause button for my life, and I needed it.

Join me this week. What's your one little thing?

Have a beautiful day,

Kelly

Grieving 101 Advice from Dr. Cara Barker

“Beware the barrenness of a busy life.”- Socrates -

I am missing my blog time; that time of connection, with all of you and with my inner soul. Work and life has been hectic these days, and I have been forced to act like a grown up....the things you do to pay the bills. But, as it has always been with me, my fits of adulthood are never long lasting, and I always regress back to the who I really am at heart; a twelve year old idealistic dreamer who believes in magic.

I am looking forward to sharing more soon. I have a list of things to write about, and can't wait to reconnect. In the meantime, I thought I would share the words of Dr. Cara Barker. Some good advice for those who are comforting the bereaved.

Have a good one,

Kelly

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-cara-barker/grieving-101-are-you-sure_b_810081.html

A Moment of Silence For Those Lost in Arizona...

“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.”-Plato-

Today at eleven, as I walked on the treadmill, I observed a reverent moment of silence for the loss of precious lives in Arizona on Saturday. I slowed my pace and thought about the senseless loss of life, of promise, and of innocence.

Prior to this moment of silence and reflection, I spent some of my morning reading some of the Op-Eds in the national papers on the event. Everyone seemed to have a theory about the origin of this man's hatred, the reasoning behind this horrid act of violence.

Some made it about political rhetoric, while others made it a mental health/health care issue. It seems we all wanted to have an explanation tied up in a neat little package on a Monday morning, so we could sleep better on Monday night, convinced we had answered the unanswerable question.

The answers are not that simple.

Now, this blog has never been political. At times, I have wanted to post things political, as I do have opinions that I want to be heard. Instead, I usually talk to my best friend or mother in law, two of the smartest ladies I know. I rant and rave, and I keep the politics out of the blog.

Why? This blog is personal to me. And, you don't need to know my political affiliations to decide whether or not to read my words. You simply have to decide if you want to walk with me. Maybe you decided that you wanted to read along because you lost a child. Maybe you know me, or are forced to read this blog because you are related to me and could be quizzed at a family gathering. Or, perhaps you are like me, and want to spark a conversation on life, and how we are living it these days.

But, for whatever reason you show up, I can guarantee you that the biggest one is you focused on what we had in common. You read some of my words and you thought....she's human just like me. Cellulite and grey hair, unbalanced budget and dust bunnies under her bed. She is just like me.

I believe, like so many others, that there are two emotions in this world.

Love and fear.

You're either spreading one or the other. There is no grey area here. Not with this.

Loss presents us with an opportunity, a chance to see the reflection of our own lives through the death of another. We can, by witnessing the swift passage of another, take stock of where we are going on our own path, and readjust the GPS if necessary.

Take some time today, not figuring out who to blame, but rather reflecting on how you can help this world get to a better place, where things like this no longer happen. Ask yourself two important questions.

• Do I spend my time looking at and judging people by their similarities or differences to me?


• What am I spreading, love or fear?

There is a big mirror standing in front of this country on this Monday morning. I do hope we all take some time to look in it and readjust the GPS.

To the friends and families of those who died or were injured, my prayers are with you all.

Kelly

Man has Trouble with `Grief Groupies'

I thought this was an interesting question posed by a recent widower. Thoughts?

Discussion : After losing wife, man has trouble with `grief groupies'

Spread Light into the Darkness...

Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness. ~Chinese Proverb



Well, Happy New Year!



I am late sending along my greetings for 2011. I have to say, I just did not want the holidays to end this year. It was not because I had this wild and crazy time. In actual fact, the twelve days of Christmas were quiet and peaceful. Reflective and sometimes a little sad as I reflected on the Christmas mornings of days gone by.



But, I just did not want it to end. So, I've kept the tree up.



It is not like me. Usually, with the first sign of New Year's, everything must be put away, floors must be scoured, and the house needs to smell like Mr. Clean. Fresh start for a New Year. But this year is different.



I suppose I just want the light of Christmas to linger for a while, to boost our spirits. Perhaps I wanted to look a little longer at life through the branches of the tree, with eyes squinting, so the colors blend together to create a magnificent kaleidoscope of beauty.

I will be honest, I've made excuses for myself.

At first, I told everyone that I was too busy to take it down.

Then, I said it was to stay in place to celebrate my husband's birthday. He needed it.

Finally, grasping at any excuse I could find, I said what the heck, I will leave it in place until the 12th day of Christmas.

I just can't make any further excuses.

The tree is way past its prime. The wind from the dog lightly walking by causes needles to fly from the tree. Two sets of lights have gone out and there are dark patches within the branches. One patch is shaped like Italy, and I am looking at it right now from my office chair.

It is time...

But for today, on this feast of the Epiphany, I will drink up every last minute of the lights of Christmas. January 6th, observed in commemoration of the coming of the Magi. Catholics believe the three kings brought gifts to the newborn Jesus, following the light of the star.

Epiphany. It has two meanings. The first, is as I listed and simplistically explained above, the feast day. The second meaning?

"usually sudden manifestation or perception of the essential nature or meaning of something"

And, right on cue, as I thought about the epiphany, I have one of my very own. This feast day, right at the end of the holiday season, is one last reminder for us to take with us throughout the year.





The Magi, or three wise man, followed the star. The looked to the light, and decided to put faith in the fact that the light would lead them to something wonderful.





Let us all, as we tuck away the colored lights for another 350 days or so, remember the lessons from the Magi.





Remember that if you look for the light in your life, and move towards it, you will find something wonderful. Remember even in the darkest of nights, you can look up, and see the stars and know there is something much bigger than you guiding you through your days. And remember that it is our responsibility, much like the light on my tree, to be the lights for others who cross our path on this earth.





Be the light for someone today, and the next day, and the next day, and the one after that too. Be the light that may help someone find there way out of their own dark night.

Dare to reach out your hand into the darkness, to pull another hand into the light. ~Norman B. Rice

So, with that lesson in my pocket, I am ready to disassemble Christmas. I am ready to spread some of my own light around.

Have a 100 Watt kind of day,

Kelly

Book Review-Wayne Dyer's The Power of Intention

" We are already one and we imagine
we are not. And what we have to recover is our original unity. Whatever we have to be is what we are."
-Thomas Merton-


Well hello there,

Today, I wanted to share with you my review of the book,

The Power of Intention. Learning to Co-create Your World Your Way

Now, before I begin, I want to state I received a copy of this book free of charge from Hay House, as they reviewed my blog and thought my readers might like to hear about the book. I want to make sure I am compliant with all FTC regulations, and let you know that although I received this book without charge, the review is my own personal opinion after having read the book from cover to cover. Okay, thanks for letting me clear up those housekeeping items. On to the review.

I read this book some time ago. It was a joy to flip the pages and learn more about the power of intention, the force in the universe that we all have the power to call upon to move our lives forward.

But I wanted to wait before publishing this review, to wait until the end of the year, when so many of us are looking to make changes in our lives and to improve upon our circumstances. As we count down the hours to the end of one year, and the welcoming of another, we could all use a little help in understanding how we really create what we want in our lives. And the answer is not in a list of unrealistic resolutions.





And, if you are grieving a loss in your life, or trying to bounce back from tough times, discovering intention can help you understand the power that you have at your disposal to get through anything that presents itself in your life.





The answer? Real change in your life comes from within. It comes when you realize you are not alone, but connected to something much larger than yourself. Dr. Dyer describes this as source, it could also be described as God, Buddha, the universe, whatever works for you. Change in your life comes when you are inspired, letting spirit work through you, to lead you to your purposeful life.

For me, as I read the book, I began to understand what happened to me when I started to write. When I let everything else go, with my own ego, and how I thought I should be, act, live and grieve, I was able to connect with a power I never knew existed. And that power gave me strength, even in the darkest of days. It showed me, at the loneliest and saddest time of my life, that I was not alone. And, the answer to every question is, and always will be, love.


This book is a gift. Not only is the presentation beautiful, with illustrations that provoke the imagination and quotes from some of the greatest thinkers of our time. The words crafted within those pages serve as an awakening for the reader.

The book is divided into three sections:


Part One: The Essentials of Intention. Understanding the power of intention and how to connect to it in your own life.


Part Two: Guide to intention and how to apply the principles. This is the practical application, the how to make it work for you in your own life.


Part Three: Description of how Dr Dyer sees someone who is connected to the power of intention.

I have read previous works from Dr. Dyer, and I am always impressed with how he simplifies complicated concepts and writes in a way that connects with the readers. This book is not different. The most powerful three pieces of the book for me?

1. Intention is not something we do, it is a connection that we acknowledge.

2. We all have a choice to connect to the power of intention or not.

3. The seven faces of intention:

• Creativity
• Kindness
• Love
• Beauty
• Expansion
• Unlimited Abundance
• Receptivity

Look above. It's all the good stuff right?

Now, put the three together.

We are connected to a source bigger than ourselves. If we allow ourselves to reconnect to that source, it will guide us to a better and more peaceful life filled with good stuff. It is our choice to see ourselves either connected or separate.

As I have said before, the answer is love.

I could go on and on about this, and the book is so much more than my simplistic explanation. Bottom line, it is worth the read. Let Dr. Dyer show you the power that you are already connected with, but may not be able to see in your life right now. As the year comes to a close, and you are envisioning the life you want for yourself in the future, take some time to read this book, and truly understand that there are no limits.

Two thumbs up from Kelly Sue.


The book can be purchased at the following:


Hay House: http://www.hayhouse.com/details.php?id=5110&utm_id=3313





Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Power-Intention-Learning-Co-create-World/dp/1401925960/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1289416372&sr=1-3





Barnes and Noble: http://search.barnesandnoble.com/The-Power-of-Intention/Wayne-W-Dyer/e/9781401925963/?itm=1&USRI=the+power+of+intention





Chapters Indigo ( Canada): http://www.chapters.indigo.ca/books/Power-Intention-Gift-Edition-Learning-Wayne-Dyer/9781401925963-item.html?ikwid=the+power+of+intention&ikwsec=Books

Have a good one,

Kelly

Merry Christmas to you...

"I am not alone at all, I thought. I was never alone at all. And that, of course, is the message of Christmas. We are never alone. Not when the night is darkest, the wind coldest, the word seemingly most indifferent. For this is still the time God chooses." -- Taylor Caldwell

This quote sums it up very well. So, on this, the most magic day of the year, I wish you all Merry Christmas. May the reason for the season sit in all of your hearts on this eve and throughout the year. Take some time tonight to look up to the sky and count your blessings.

Here's Chris Botti and Ave Maria.....simply amazing.

Merry Christmas,

Kelly

Count Your Blessings Instead of Sheep....

“Count your blessings. Once you realize how valuable you are and how much you have going for you, the smiles will return, the sun will break out, the music will play, and you will finally be able to move forward the life that God intended for you with grace, strength, courage, and confidence.”-Og Mandino-


White Christmas is one of my all time favorite Christmas movies. And each year, after I watch it, I am reminded why this simple song is a classic.

It can be just as easy as listening to Bing's suggestion you know. Look for your blessings today, they are all around you.

Sing along with me...

Kelly

The Best Gift You Can Put Under the Tree....

"My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?" - Bob Hope -

I 'm working some last minute preparations today. I'm sure I am not the only one.

So, I wanted to share with you my #1 gift suggestion to place beneath your tree this year. I, like so many of you, have learned through the trials of life, how fleeting our time can be with the people we love. And, with life moving at the speed of a text message, we can sometimes forget to slow ourselves down and really drink up the moments with the people who mean the most to us. When I think back to my fondest memories of Stephen, it is never anything to do with material things he may have given me. It is always our late night chats, where we would solve all the world's problems and some of our own as well. When I think back to my cherished recollections of my father, it is never the gifts he gave me that make my heart smile. It is the long and intimate conversations I would have with him, when he would tell me stories, and give me lessons on life from his own experiences, and tell me of his deep and unending love for my mother.

So, this year, give the people you love the best gift that can put under the tree. Your time and attention.

Write a note that explains your gift, wrap it up in a box and put it under the tree. You can do this for anyone that is important to you, but I will give you a couple of examples.

Imagine how your husband or wife or partner would feel if they opened a box and this was inside?

To my Husband/Wife/Partner:

Life moves so quickly. And sometimes, I find myself thinking about how wonderful you are, but when we talk, it is about grocery lists, utility bills, and the upcoming week's schedule. Sometimes, life just moves so darn fast, it is hard to slow down and appreciate the things that are most important in life. So, this Christmas, I decided to give you the gift of my undivided attention and time for us to nurture what we have. I want us to plan, each week, to take the time, just for each other.

Let's make a promise to slow ourselves down, turn off the Blackberry, and give ourselves the gift of time. I want to hear you, I want to really listen. I want to understand your dreams, and have you smile and know that I am your biggest cheerleader. Life is short, and the moments that we really are present with each other are the ones we will remember always. The moments we are present are the real gifts. So, this year, I give you time.

Or, how about this?

To my precious child:

I know this is a weird gift, especially when you thought this box was just the right size for a Ipod Touch. I know it seems like you picked the short straw for presents, being that it is only words, and it does not plug in, or require any assembly. But this year, I wanted to give you something that is more important than any other present beneath our tree.

My time, just for you.

I know sometimes that I am busy when I get home from work, and I am half listening as you try to tell me about what happened in Science class. I know that sometimes I am preoccupied, thinking about the laundry, or the "to do" list. This gift changes that. I want each week, to set aside some time to give you my complete and undivided attention. You can talk to me about your life or ask me about mine. We can bake cookies or launch rockets. It's up to you. But I just want to give you the gift of time so you know how important you are to me. I'm your biggest fan, and I don't tell you that enough.

Your time and attention. The best gift you can give, and it requires no financing, no money down, no monthly payments. And, you don't have to go to the mall today either.

I will leave you with one of my favorite songs from the musical Rent. What will you do with your 525,600 minutes in 2011? Make it count.

Love ya, mean it,


Kelly the Christmas Elf

Communicationg at Christmas With the Bereaved

A hug is a great gift - one size fits all, and it's easy to exchange. ~Author Unknown


Happy Sunday,

I wanted to re post a blog that I published last year, entitled Communicating During the Holidays and Grief.





http://gratitudeingrief.blogspot.com/2009/12/communicating-during-holidays-and-grief.html





If you are loving someone who has lost a special person in their life, please take the time to read my post. Know that you are needed now more than ever, even if it is just to hug someone and let them cry out the hurt.





Christmas is all about giving, a special time of year where we take the time to stop our busy lives and think about others. We make our lists, and bake our cookies, and we try and find the perfect presents.





My challenge for you is to understand that the greatest gift that we can give another is our time and love. The greatest gift we can give is to let someone know they are not alone.





This Christmas, look around your life and give people what they need the most.





Oh yeah, and you can still bake the cookies.





Kelly

Huffington Post: Grief Medication is Not the Answer...

Happy Saturday all,

I wanted to pass along this excellent article written by Jeanne Dennis for The Huffington Post.

I believe we need to start having more conversations about how we handle grief and loss in this drive thru world of ours. Thank you Jeanne for your insight and wisdom.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jeanne-dennis/working-through-grief_b_793899.html

As we count down the last week before Christmas, I hope this article may give some a fresh perspective on their own journey.

Kelly

Toothy Grins from Heaven.....

Today, give a stranger one of your smiles. It might be the only sunshine he sees all day. ~Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.


Christmas shopping. It's just not as they portray it in the commercials. Where are the happy people dancing in sequence down the aisles, with cheery Christmas music blaring in the background?


On a recent shopping excursion, I believe I may have been sucked into a vortex of negativity, stuck in a store with the most negative people on the planet. I was bumped, and growled at; I was witness to more than one parent completely melting down with their children. I was also witness to more than one child not really understanding the "reason for the season. "

I find the holiday season to be bittersweet for me. As an occasion girl, I have always loved this time of year. But, as with anyone who has lost someone important, it is also a time when you are painfully reminded that there is one less person to shop for this year. Last year, I could barely breathe in the stores. I remember standing in a quiet aisle of car cleaning supplies just about this time a year ago drying my tears with one of those expensive wash clothes for your car (don't tell Target, but I put it back on the rack) I stood there for more than twenty minutes, simply trying to inhale so the pain in my chest would subside, and I could gather the remaining items on my list.

This year, I am stronger, but I still have moments where the thought of Christmas without Stephen is still very difficult to think about. It is especially hard when I shop, and I see things I know he would like, or laugh about. So, as you can probably imagine, my emotions were getting the best of me as I pushed my cart through the aisles of this store, and watched all of these people....just taking life for granted. One Mom in particular, she yelled at her little girl, and I had to physically remove myself from her presence so I did not confront her with the ravings of a bereaved parent. Did she not know how truly blessed she was to have this little girl looking up at her, even if it was only to ask for the $49.99 doll only days before Christmas?

In any case, all the growling and bumping and bah humbugging just got the best of me. And, when I pulled into the parking lot of the final store on my shopping excursion, I just sat in the car for a moment, and had.....well, a moment. I was missing Stephen, and thinking back over the Christmases gone by...in particular, I was remembering Christmas Eve when he was a small baby, maybe eight months old. He had these two lonely teeth at the bottom, and would grin on command and proudly show them to you.

So there I was, sitting in my car, reminiscing about the magic of Stephen at Christmas. Missing him, and wishing that I could explain to my fellow shoppers about the importance of being present in the moment, of just being happy because you never know what is around the corner.

I finally mustered up the courage to brave the final store, and stepped out of my car.

Where I was abruptly met by......

A toothy grin.

It was the toothy grin of a baby girl, out for a day of shopping with her mom. She was sitting in the cart, and she lit up as soon as we made eye contact, and her smile was brighter than any Christmas bulb I've ever seen. It was as if some invisible director pointed to her and yelled "Action!"

I burst out laughing, and the mother popped her head out of the car and smiled. I told her that her little sweetheart just made my day. Her mother replied that she does that, gives out those "two tooth smiles" just when you need it the most.

Boy, was she right.

So, two things to remember. Take a nice deep cleansing breath if you are shopping today. Think about the reason for the season, be present in the beauty that is now, don't miss it. Make a point to give away some smiles, I'm telling you, it works. And if it doesn't work, at least you'll make some people nervous.

Second thing, look for those toothy grins. I believe that God brings them to us when we need them the most, to show us He is listening and comforting us. It is up to us to look for and notice them.

Take some time today to spread some of the good stuff around,

Kelly

Reflections on a Resilient Life....Remembering Elizabeth Edwards

"Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it's less good than the one you had before. You can fight it, you can do nothing but scream about what you've lost, or you can accept that and try to put together something that's good." ~Elizabeth Edwards

A person who is dear to my heart sent this quote along to me and I had to share it. Although I was never fortunate enough to meet Elizabeth Edwards in person, I have thought of her often on my grief journey. I read some of her words about the loss of her own child, and wondered if I would ever be able to find that same grace and serenity in my own life.

She was a woman who lived a life that was imperfect, and messy at times. Her life did not spare her from pain or loss. But she continued to "put together something that's good."

I get up and try to do that every day. Some days, it works, and others, I simply whisper that I will try again tomorrow. Her quote is printed and on the bulletin board in my office. I look at it daily, along with other great thinkers, for inspiration. I look to remind myself that others have found the secret to a happy life, and it is never found in perfection. It is always found in making peace with the imperfections that surround us.

May we all take a moment to read her words today, and know that the resilience that she was able to find and hold on to throughout her rich lifetime also sits within each one of us. To honor her life, and learn from it, let us all make it our job to continue to live a happy life, even when life is difficult. Let us all try, even if it is minute by minute, to put together something that is good.

Sending wishes for comfort and peace to the Edwards family,

Kelly

Fresh Coat of Paint...

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~Anatole France

I've come to a conclusion. Life is like one big painting project. Let me explain.

I've just finished up a painting project in my house. And, as is the story for most of my life, I never really thought the whole thing through. Instead, I plunged ahead, with the vision of perfection in this little brain of mine, and just starting swinging the brush.

But, as with most home improvement endeavours, once you open that can of paint, you realize there's a ton of things you did not take the time to consider before donning your super attractive paint shirt. You know the one, it has paint samples from every paint project since the early eighties.

To give you some examples, I did not consider:

• The ceiling height of our front foyer.



• The confirmed fear of heights as it relates to the ceiling height of the front foyer.



• That this project may only look manageable, but in four days, I will have a moment where I consider just living with a half painted wall. I will have a pretty convincing conversation with myself about how it would show individuality.


• That I actually am not sure about this new color. Perhaps I should have just left well enough alone.



• And finally, I did not consider that this project would confront me with the ugly truth about my housekeeping talents and serve as confirmation that I have not properly cleaned the baseboards since some time in 2007.

I'm telling you, this project was like a month of therapy. With each stroke of the brush, I examined each and every corner of my life. I thought a lot about what sort of mental space I was in the last time I painted these walls, and did wonder if I painted while blindfolded and drinking wine.

I thought a lot about change in life. And how we resist it or long for it, think about it and plan for it, run away from it or towards it.

Sometimes change in life comes in the form of a slap right up the side of your head. It comes as a wallop, knocking your current situation right out of your head.

Others, it is a gradual awakening to a new reality. It is left up to you to push the change forward.

Sometimes, you long for it. Sometimes, you don't.

But regardless of the origin, change comes. Change comes for everyone and everything. It is the nature of life.

So, I see life as a painting project. I picked my new color, jumped in, and realized I had no idea what I was doing. But, knowing that half painted wall that could not be undone, I decided to simply keep painting.

So, when life changes, whether by choice or design, just keep painting, one stroke at a time. If you do keep going, slow and steady, you may see that this fresh coat of paint on your life looks a little cleaner than the last one. You see that you are a better painter, having learned from your past mistakes and successes. You see the value of your hard work. Maybe you will learn to appreciate the new colors in your life, having a better understanding of how they got there.

The biggest thing to learn? That sometimes, life has to get really, really messy before it can be transformed into something beautiful. Sometimes, you just have to keep painting.

Today, I ask you to keep painting. It may not be beautiful yet, but it will be. It will be someday, because of your perseverance.

A Fresh coat of paint.

Grab your brushes,

Kelly

Surviving Grief by Recording Blessings

Many thanks to Jessica Milicevic for taking the time to speak with me about being a USA Book News Award Finalist and taking the time to write such a thoughtful article. She made me younger too, and that is always welcome!

Thought I would share...

Surviving grief by recording blessings